Walking the Fence


 I’m responsible for four humans who are between the ages of 16-21 years old (three are offspring and one is niece).  About a year ago, all three were playing a game in the dining room while I was lounging in the living room.  I heard one say, “It just occurred to me.  I’m the only straight cis person in this room!” Sure enough, I’m not sure how it happened, but I’m blessed to get to parent a bunch of rainbow umbrella kids.  They are proud of who they are.  And I’m proud they have discovered, or are discovering, their identities.  So it’s no secret around here.  We’re all out… and figuring it out. 

I’m also a United Methodist pastor.  And for anyone who follows along with denominational things, this is a tough week.  We have a lot of “tough weeks” as a denomination because we are anything but united.  This particular week is tough because a significant part of the denomination is leaving to form a new denomination.  Why? Because they believe a big portion of the United Methodist Church is no longer faithful to God’s word.  It’s complicated, but the issue that floats to the surface is that some churches support LGBTQIA rights and others do not.  Supporters and opposers of rainbow rights all believe they are being faithful to God’s call.

It's no secret or surprise where I stand.  I get frustrated with churches and pastors who are leaving.  I read the statement of a colleague whose church voted to disaffiliate last week, and I get stirred up seeing what I believe to be discriminatory practices play out in real life in the name of Jesus.  But if I’m really honest with myself, I have to admit that I understand this colleague and others like him.  If I had his theology, I would have written a similar statement.  I understand his conviction, because I have it too.  I happen to have different theology and a different Biblical hermeneutic, and on rainbow rights, those differences put us in direct opposition, believing there is barely any middle ground.   So I kind of get him and his conviction.

I have a harder time understanding colleagues who walk the fence when it comes to rainbow rights.  I know living in the middle can be a virtue, I know understanding multiple perspectives is important, and I know we need people who toot the horn of unity.  Over the years, I have seen this fence-walking mostly in congregational development circles (i.e., leaders/consultants/pastors who primarily focus on healthy church growth).  I hang in a lot of these circles because this is my passion, and occasionally I get asked to coach or consult others in this work. 

When I first started hanging with folks with this similar passion, I’d hear people say, “We don’t worry about your theology.  We care about outreach and growth.”  In other words, they could overlook quite a few things because we all were working towards a common goal of leading people to Jesus.  I bought that for a long time, and I still do to some extent.  I can disagree with folks on many things—and I still work with them. 

But on other things I can’t compromise.  LGBTQIA rights is one area in which I have decided that I won’t compromise.  We all draw our line some place for some reason.  My reasons happen to be between the ages of 16-21. 

If a church is growing and flourishing, but it won’t accept my kids, then it has the potential to hurt my kids.  I can’t possibly support their growth and vision.  It’s like racism to me.  I actually don’t want a church with overt racist ideals to succeed.  If one believes it is wrong to discriminate against LGBTQIA folks, how can one hold that belief and support the vision and growth of organizations that do that?   

I don’t have ill feelings towards colleagues who walk the fence.  I actually admire them right now.  It’s not an easy place to be, balancing up there with voices trying to pull you down to one side or the other!  While I draw my line in one place, they draw their line in a different place on this one.  I do wonder:  If the thing holding their balance on the fence is a concern for growth/outreach/evangelism or even unity, at what point does someone get knocked squarely to one side or the other?  At what point does one admit they don’t want a certain kind of church to grow?  Is it theology that sends us there?  Biblical hermeneutics? Or experience with our beloved children?   

 

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